Twilight Examined

If you are of a certain age (over 15) this whole Twilight phenomenon may have passed you by. Short version: Love happens between high school girl and pretty boy vampire in small town Washington. While not a particularly new idea (Buffy, anyone?), Twilight is a totally different, uh, beast.

To be fair, I've never read the Twilight books but I did see the movie last night. Here are my thoughts:

1. These vampires and their oblivious human neighbors take themselves very seriously. No funny business, there's unironic brooding going on here.

2. Speaking of brooding, the scene where Edward and Bella meet in the science class was hilarious. I know we're supposed to believe that Edward is trying really hard not to suck her blood, (see photo above) but I couldn't help but hum the Andy Samberg classic, "Jizz in my pants."

3. And what about Ms. Kristen Stewart, graduate of the Mary Stuart Masterson school of breathless acting? "Oh, *gasp* Edward, I *sigh deeply* so totally *uh, suck in air* trust you!"

4. I love how Bella immediately deduces from Edward's pallor and show of superhuman strength that he must be a vampire. That is where I would go too.

5. I admit that it was impressive how they made running really fast through the woods not look retarded.

6. Why, if Edward is 200+ years old, would he fall for a gawky teen girl? One would think that he would want the company of a more mature woman (or say, one that is 36?).

7. Having been the new girl at school, I can attest to the fact that the entire student body DOES NOT know your name on the first day. Or any other subsequent day.

8. Is it me or is this a subtle abstinence film? Edward struggles to restrain himself from sucking the life out of our fair heroin (I mean heroine) , does that then automatically preclude sex? (Yet Bella's mom tells her to "Be safe," so are we to assume Bella's been around the block?)

Anyone else see this classic & wish to share?